Making Sport

HEY Y’ALL! I HAVE AN IDEA!
LET’S GET A GROUP OF PHYSICALLY FIT GUYS TOGETHER AND HAVE THEM TROT BACK AND FORTH TO TRY TO GET A BALL! LET’S HAVE UM BASH AND CRASH INTO EACH OTHER, HURTING EACH OTHER HERE AND THERE (what‘s a little concussion now and then)! LET’S SIT AROUND AND HOLLER WHILE WE WATCH THEM AND GIVE WHAT THEY ARE DOING A WHOLE BUNCH OF EMOTIONAL ATTENTION. LET’S HAVE THE GUYS THAT ARE PLAYING HAVE ‘OWNERS’ AND THEN THEY CAN BE TRADED LIKE MODERN DAY SLAVES - BUT DON’T WORRY - IT WILL BE OKAY CUZ THEY WILL GET LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY - STUPID MONEY, CRAZY MONEY - FOR IT! THEN WHEN THEY START TO AGE AND THEIR BODIES ARE ALL BROKEN DOWN THEY CAN ACHE AND DO PHYSICAL THERAPY AND HAVE DIMINISHED BRAIN FUNCTIONING AND BE ‘RETIRED’ AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 30 SOMETHING! OH, YEA, AND IF THEY HAVEN’T SPENT ALL OF THEIR MONEY THEY CAN DRIVE NICE CARS AND HAVE NICE HOMES AND OH, I DON’T KNOW, MAKE INFOMERCIALS I GUESS! OH, SHIT! YOU MEAN SOMEONE ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT! DANG!

OKAY, OKAY, I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA!
LET’S GET PAIRS OF GUYS, ABOUT THE SAME WEIGHT, AW, JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT LET’S HAVE THEM BE MOSTLY BROWN AND BLACK GUYS, LET’S PUT THEM IN A CAGE , NO, NO, NOT A CAGE, A ‘RING’ AND PUT SOME BIG PUFFY THINGS ON THEIR HANDS AND OH, THIS WILL BE SO FUN, LET’S HAVE THEM BASH THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! WE CAN SIT ON THE SIDELINES AND YELL AND EGG THEM ON! LET’S HAVE THEM BEAT EACH OTHER UNTIL ONE OF THEM DROPS TO THE GROUND ALL BLOODY! JUST LIKE THEY THROUGH THE CHRISTIANS TO THE LIONS, RIGHT? THERE, THAT’LL SHOW UM! LET’S HAVE THEM WEAR SOME SHORTS SO THAT AS MUCH OF THEIR BODIES ARE EXPOSED FOR PUMMELLING AS POSSIBLE! WE’LL CALL THE ONE LEFT STANDING “THE CHAMPION” AND HE CAN WALK AROUND THINKING THAT HE IS WONDERFUL AND BRAG ABOUT HIS EXPLOTS… I KNOW, I KNOW, IT WON’T BE LONG BEFORE HE CAN’T PIECE A SENTENCE TOGETHER BUT HECK, WHAT SPORT! WHAT FUN! OH DANG! THIS ONE HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE TOO? NO WAY! DOGGONE IT!

OKAY, OKAY, LET’S TRY THIS ONE - IT IS MUCH LESS AGGRESSIVE!
LET’S GET A GROUP OF GUYS TOGETHER TO FORM A TEAM. WE CAN SWIP SWAP UM OUT AS WE SEE FIT TO MAKE THE TEAM SUPREME. LET’S GIVE THEM LOTS OF MONEY TO RUN A BALL UP AND DOWN A COURT (GREAT EXERCISE!) AND WE WILL TRADE THEM BACK AND FORTH AND HAVE THEM LIVE WHEREVER WE SEE FIT! THEY’LL LOVE IT! THEY WILL GET GOBS OF MONEY FOR ‘MAKING SPORT’ WITH THEIR BODIES! JUST THINK THEIR FAMILIES WILL MOSTLY BE IMPOVERISHED AND WILL BE OH SO GRATEFUL FOR THE FINANCIAL WINDFALL HOW FUN! PEOPLE WILL PAY CRAZY MONEY TO WATCH THEM DO THIS! WE WILL BUILD ENORMOUS FACILITIES TO DO THIS IN THAT COSTS GOBS OF MONEY. EVERY NOW AND THEN THE PLAYERS CAN GO ‘IN TO THE COMMUNITY’ AND GIVE THE ‘PEEPS’ A BONE HERE AND THERE! THAT WILL BE GREAT P.R. AND PEOPLE WON’T PAY ATTENTION TO THE CRAZY MONEY INVOLVED IN THE GAME! THERE WILL BE CITIZENS OF THE CITIES THAT THEY PLAY IN THAT WILL BE HOMELESS AND HUNGRY! BUT WE WON’T GIVE MUCH TO THEM! THEY’LL ROOT FOR OUR TEAM ANYWAY! SHUCKS THEIR LOYALTY WILL BE PATRIOTIC! WE CAN MAKE HATS, SHIRTS, SHOES AND ALL KINDS OF OVER PRICED CRAP FOR PEOPLE TO BUY - THEY CAN PRETEND THAT THEY ARE ON OUR TEAM! YIPPY! DON’T TELL ME I AM NOT ON TO SOMETHING! SAY WHAT? DONE ALREADY? SHEESH! OKAY.

I AM OUT OF IDEAS ON HOW TO MAKE STUPID AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON MAKING SPORT OF AND WITH HUMANS!