Thursday, March 31, 2011

We ain't scared of you God!

God Fearin’ Americans? That’s a Big Fat Lie!
I know a little bitty something about the God of Christianity - at least as the bible represents God. Based on what I read of scripture I am going to venture to say that:
God is no respecter of persons.
The earth is God’s and everything (everyone too?) in it.
Jesus, God incarnate, is pure unadulterated love.
God directs us to help each other - one and all - e.g. we are our sibling’s keeper like it or not.
God’s the potter, we are the clay. Some clay is made for noble purposes and some for common use. God determines that, yes?
There is one body and many parts. How can the hand tell the foot that it does not belong yadda yadda.
God has many sheep that are not of this sheepfold.
Jesus said, “As you do to the least of these you do to me” (paraphrased).
Oh my how I could go on… these are but a few of the things that I hold near and dear when I think of my faith… then I lose my, er, um, fervor shall we say when I:
Listen to Sarah Palin and other right wing, ‘tea party’ politicians carp about us becoming ‘socialists’… really? Is that because God calls us to take care of our poor and needy. Because God says that they will always be among us. We ain’t afraid of you God! If we were we would care for our poor people.
And the ‘Christians’ spewing their filth about having Muslims in their midst. A mosque in their neighborhoods. Demonstrating their rage and railing against their ‘fellow’ human beings. We ain’t scared of you God! If we were we would extend our hand and show love to them so that our joy would be full and you would be pleased.
Oh and our leaders turning a blind eye to the Pharisees (big business) while they hoard all of that filthy lucre in their storehouses - otherwise known as banks - for the moths to eat and for it to rust and rot being squandered hither and yawn instead of being used to see that children are fed and educated, people are sheltered and have medical treatment? We don’t fear you God! Ha! If we did we would experience extreme shame, put on sackcloth and ashes, weep mourn and wail, repent and spread the wealth! We are going to take our chances getting through the eye of that needle - cuz we ain’t scared of You!
Our mentally ill? Our less desirable ones? We warehouse them God. We don’t a little sumpin’ sumpin’ here and there to make ourselves think that we are being generous. We ‘give’ of our bounty - which boils down to a pittance. We blame them for their plight, their parents and anyone but ourselves for circumstance and self righteously go to our upscale homes, drink our pretentious wine, eat our frivolous foods and scoff at the pathetic dregs. We ain’t scared of you God! You keep blessin’ us don’t you?
God just so you know… we are the boss of everything we Americans, You are not. We give lip service to submitting to you but we both know we don’t mean it deep down where it counts. After all, you gave us all of this might and power to use cuz you think that we are the REAL chosen ones right God? And we think the Jews are darned fine folk since they know you too - in their weird Old Testament kinda way… I mean sheesh God. We are practically so great that we didn’t need to be saved! What? What do you mean maybe we are not?

Monday, March 28, 2011

My Son, My Brother, My Father?

Yet ANOTHER account of the gang rape of a young girl in the news today! That‘s 3 particularly heinous ones in the past months). My innards scream out! My core writhes! My spirit shrieks in horror! I want justice and I want it now! I am crazed and going crazier! I have visions of torture and torment to each and every one of the barbarians who used their penises as weapons to degrade, destroy, defeat, subdue and denigrate. I want the Public Square! I want the stockades! I want a ticker tape listing over each of their heads with their full names, dates of birth and crimes running steadily. Let’s gather all of our waste. Construction sight scraps, leavings of food, junk we have lying around place them next to the stockade and have at it! Want something to do on your lunch hour? Think about the victims and then mosey on down to the Public Square and have at it! Get some exercise! Practice your swing! To the death! Gone with them! No clogging of the courts, no warehousing of the vermin! Done! Finished! BuhBye!
The gift to males that is intended for love, intimacy, procreation and joy has been rendered foul and indecent, vile and hate filled. And what of their own daughters and sisters and mothers? How can they look the people who love them in their eyes? What happens when a woman one of them loves asks what they were thinking? What happens when their own children ask what their father did? Their uncle did? Their brother did?
What of the victims? Will they trust again? Will they live in fear all the days of their lives? Will they sit vigil as external entities over their own bodies, hearts, souls and minds until they take their last breath? Will they be driven to drink, drug, and self destruct? Who will help them pick up their fractured psyches? Their shattered selves? Will they ever be able to know love making? Will they ever be able to walk freely alone?
My heart keeps trying to tell me that I am no better than they if I am filled with such rage, such vitriol, such disgust and loathing. Violence begets violence, right? An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind doesn’t it? If I am struck in the cheek turn the other for a smack, yes? “Vengeance is mine says the Lord” right? I am poisoning myself, huh?
For today this is what is real. I will not apologize for wanting some other mother’s son humiliated and then dead. I can’t find any sympathy while our daughter’s are scarred, horrified and haunted for life.

The Perfect Man

So, being on the dating scene is whole 'nother kinda crazy trip... I won't bore you all with my various trivails but I will say the next man who tells me that he is looking for his 'queen' - as though he is royalty (which I don't believe in or give any credence to anyway), or the men who are looking for their frickin' 'rib' - as though he is not complete in and of himself, and finally the men who are looking for their 'proverbs 31 woman' - if you have never read it or need to familiarize yourself with it then please do. Everyone needs a woman like her, heck I want a woman like her myself, oh, yea, there is no such woman... Wull, if the fellas are looking for their Proverbs 31 Woman then I am looking for my Proverbs 32 Man! Here he is:

A Proverbs 32:10-31 Man

The Noble Husband

10 who can find a husband of noble character? For his value is far more than diamonds.
11 the heart of his wife safely trusts him; so she will have no lack of success
12 he does her good and never evil all the days of his life
13 he finds household repairs to complete without being harranged and keeps her car clean and well maintained
14 he is like an expert import/exporter, he brings her coffee, perfume and shoes from oversees
15 he gets up before sunrise and ensures that his refrigerator is full of nutritious food for his family with enough for any hungry friends and guests
16 he considers a rental property and negotiates a good deal on it; from his profits he invests in college funds for the children
17 he works out and stays fit never indulging in smoking or excessive drinking
18 he makes every effort to buy quality. He does not turn out his light at night until he knows that his household is secure and that his family is safe
19 he can multitask and never sits idle in front of the television
20 he extends his hand with something in it for others especially the needy, yes, he reaches out his hands to any he finds with a need he can fulfill
21 he does not worry about bad weather coming because his house is in good shape, he has emergency supplies and knows how to survive in tough times
22 he dresses tastefully; his clothing are good quality, well made
23 his wife is known around the city, she walks with her head held high secure in his love and respect for her
24 he is a craftsman and makes a handsome profit from the pieces he produces, he is a supplier of much needed parts to local businesses
25 strength and honor are his clothing; he will rejoice only when it is time
26 he opens his mouth with wisdom and on his tongue is nothing but kindness
27 he keeps a close eye on his household and does not give in to laziness
28 his children get up in the morning calling him blessed; his wife also, and she praises him
29 many sons have done well, but he exceeds them all
30 charm is deceiving and handsomeness fades, but a man who knows the Lord, he will be treated with dignity and respect
31 give him some of what he has made and let his own works praise him around the city.

Wull, what about a Proverbs 31.5 Man?

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Tolerance

I am going to come right out and tell you that I do not like the word tolerance. I became especially aware of my dislike when I started hearing so much of it in diversity trainings.

Think about it for a minute people. What things in life do you tolerate? Some things that come to mind for me are ants, sometimes mice, cigarette smoke and someone loudly on their mobile in public for a few. Okay, all of these things are lip flippin' irritations to me - but sometimes I am in a position where I have to tolerate them. You probably have your own list of stuff that you would really rather not experience, yes? I don't want to be bothered with them and I want them to go away a.s.a.p. I have no intention of changing my perspective on them and will do my best to remove myself or remove whatever it is that I am tolerating at the time.

That's where good ol' human beings come in. The thought of someone tolerating me - be it due to my gender, ethnicity, faith or whatever is reprehensible to me! Puleeze! Do Not, I repeat, Do Not tolerate me! Get out of my way and I will get out of yours. Do any of us truly want to be tolerated? Maybe we can reach an understanding, maybe we can negotiate and agree where we can and agree to disagree where we can't. I have an open mind/spirit to most human beings but not all. There are acts that are so vile or heinous that people commit which cause me to know that I cannot expend one iota of energy 'understanding'. Nope, that is what Jesus is for. Otherwise, let's be decent folks, okay.

We are all different and that to me is a wonderful thing. It is not painful or unpleasant for me to get to know who you are and where you are coming from. If we reach a point that no more need be said then so be it. I didn't tolerate you though my sister or brother, I got to experience another human being sharing with me who they are and maybe they told me a little bit about what they need in the world to get along. Maybe I have some of that to offer and maybe I don't now but will develop some skills in that area. No matter. We experienced each other.

On Minimizing…

I don’t know if I am just now paying attention or if this is a new phenom. This business of minimizing things that happen, especially when it is coming from the mouth of the person that did the deed or said the thing that has been said.

What am I talking about? Wull, for instance Oregon’s former (and formerly well respected) governor admitted to “having sex with” a young girl starting when she was 13 or 14 years old. Ur, um, Neil and all of you reporters who have/are covering the crime it is called RAPE. The man repeatedly raped the child. If he did not force her body he certainly forced/coerced her mind, and spirit.

I am disgusted with the verbiage that adults ‘fondled’ children. Ur, um, lemme help you out with that - it is called molestation. Children are frequently preyed upon by grown people who rationalize their twisted behavior and refuse to use the actual words that are true to the deed. (If they ever cop to the filth of the act in the first place).

How about ‘swiped‘, ‘borrowed’ and ‘bummed’ when the person or entity had no knowledge of the aforementioned? Ur, um, that is called stealing. I observed a teenager with his eye on a pair of very nice, newer tennis shoes in the corner of a gym for a couple of days. I saw the teen walking with the shoes and I asked him how he came by them. He told me that he found them. I suggested then that he take them to the lost and found so that they could make their way to their rightful owner. He was incredulous. He said, “But I found them”. I remarked that they were clearly valuable and that the owner would surely be looking for them. He was irritated with me. I informed him that since the community is so small the person who owned the shoes would surely notice him wearing them to which he replied he did not intend to wear them on sight. I pointed out that that was a clear indication that he knew he was wrong.

Maybe we have been groomed ourselves to the point that we won’t speak truth either. I mean we let advertisers of every stripe oversell and under deliver on their products. We hear people talk about guaranteeing things all of the time that they in no way can/will enforce or ensure. We act as though the speakers credibility is reinforced by their words. I mean ‘had sex with’ sounds so much different than ‘repeatedly or frequently raped’ doesn’t it? Hmmm, Bill and Monica...

Think about the prescription ads that talk about the wonderful things their drug is going to do for us and then in a lower and much faster voice list all of the potentially harmful effects their drug might just have. Remember the weight loss magic that at the end said, “may cause sudden, unexpected and oily stools”?

I could go on but lets suffice it to say that I am committed to using the words that fit the deed in all cases to the best of my ability. Please join me. Maybe we will help give victims a voice by not sugar coating an offense. In a world filled with so much gray there are some areas we can be very clear in. I am further committed to reframing and restating what someone has said to me when they are blowing smoke up my - wull, where the sun don’t shine. Yes? I have to tell you that it feels so utterly refreshing to, in all honesty tell someone that what they are telling you is a sack of dung when you - and they - know it is!
 

Friday, March 25, 2011

what are you reading and what's worth reading?

Please share recently read and worth reading books:

The Other Side of Paradise by Staceyann Chin - worth reading in that the writing is up close and personal enough to engage. i wanted the protagonist to make it even though, if as represented by her, her personality is/was a bit annoying.

Random Family - don't remember the author, raw, hard to read, it took me for a ride that i couldn't stay on until the end. seldom happens but very worthwhile read.

Enough - by Juan Williams (the NPR reporter who lost his job because of comments he made on Fox News about Muslims) interesting read.

Tipping Point - sheesh, somebody say the author, Malcom Gladwell? I'll do better going forward... anyway the book very interestingly talks about how trends are set and by whom in our culture.

Henrietta Lacks don't remember the author. you will get ticked off. you will understand if you don't already why p.o.c. are suspicious of the U.S. medicine.

Sister Citizen by Melissa Harris Perry. A great read! Find out what life is like as a black woman in America.

White Like Me by Tim Wise. Good ol' Tim he helps white folk recalibrate.

God is not a christian, a jew or a muslim by Carlton Pearson. This book is for grown folks. By that I mean be prepared to free your mind and your ... may follow.

Marcel the Shell by Jenny Slate and Dean something Camp. Okay, it is a children's book that I fell in love with and bought for myself!

WOMAN VS LADY

WOMAN VS LADY:
OKAY, LET’S GET THIS SORTED OUT ONCE AND FOR ALL…
AND THIS IS THE WORLD ACCORDING TO ME OBVIOUSLY. I AM ONLY THE BOSS OF ME AND WHO I AM SO I REALLY DON’T NEED ANYONE ELSE’S DEFINITION, K? WOOT, THERE IT IS = THE FIRST SIGN OF WOMAN!
A WOMAN DEFINES HERSELF. SHE IS NOT CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT THE WORLD THINKS SHE OUGHT TO LOOK LIKE, DRESS LIKE, ACT LIKE OR SPEAK LIKE. SHE IS HER OWN PERSON.
A WOMAN IS FREE. SHE ALLOWS NO ONE TO SET HER STANDARDS, DETERMINE WHAT SHE IS GOING TO DO WITH HER REALITY OR IMPOSE ANY EXTERNAL VALUES ON HER REALITY.
A WOMAN IS COMFORTABLE BEING ‘OUT’ WITH OR WITHOUT MAKEUP, WEARS HEELS WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE IT AND FLATS WHEN SHE DOESN’T. A WOMAN DRESSES FOR THE WEATHER AND/OR HER MOOD AND NOT TO DELIBERATELY ENTICE.
A WOMAN HAS HER OWN UNIQUE BRAND OF APPEAL. YOU WON’T FIND HER STYLE STRAIGHT OUT OF ESSENCE, COSMO, VANITY FAIR OR WHATEVER THE LATEST TREND IS. SHE SETS HER OWN STYLE.
A WOMAN THINKS. SHE WILL CONSIDER WHAT YOU ARE SAYING BUT ULTIMATELY SHE IS GOING TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR HERSELF AND NOT WHAT SOMEONE ELSE THINKS IS RIGHT FOR HER.
A WOMAN HAS THE GOOD SENSE TO KNOW THAT OTHER WOMEN ARE HER ALLIES AND NOT HER ENEMIES. SHE KNOWS THAT OTHER WOMEN ARE NOT ONLY NOT COMPETITION TO HER BUT A LOVING SHOULDER TO LEAN ON. SHE IS NOT THREATENED BY HER SISTERS.
A WOMAN IS SECURE. SHE KNOWS HOW TO HANDLE HER BUSINESS AND SHE DOES SO WITH A GLAD HEART. WHEN SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO GET THE JOB DONE SHE KNOWS HOW TO ACCESS HER RESOURCES, NOT WITH MANIPULATION AND ‘APPEAL’ BUT WITH A DELIBERATENESS THAT DOES NOT RELY ON ‘CHARM’.
A WOMAN CHOOSES TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP. SHE DOESN’T NEED A RELATIONSHIP TO COMPLETE HER. AND WHEN SHE DOES ENTER IN SHE IS ‘ALL IN’.
A WOMAN IS NOT AFRAID TO EXPRESS HER NEEDS. SHE IS FORCOMING AND DOES NOT HAVE TO BE CAJOLED, BUGGED, BEGGED, BOTHERED UNTIL SHE ‘SAYS WHAT’S WRONG’.
A WOMAN IS NOT AFRAID TO GET HER HANDS DIRTY. SHE EAGERLY TAKES ON THINGS OF INTEREST NO MATTER WHAT TRADITION HAS DICTATED.
A WOMAN CAN STRAIGHT TALK. SHE WOULD RATHER CUT TO THE CHASE THAN TIPTOE AROUND WITH FALSE DELICACY.
A WOMAN’S COMPLIMENTS TO ANOTHER ARE SINCERE, SHE DOES NOT DELIBERATELY PAD HER CONVERSATION OR COMMENTS TO ARTIFICIALLY INFLATE OTHERS’ EGOS.
PLEASE ADD AND/OR COMMENT

Thursday, March 24, 2011

please

Whadinduhell
So I am creeped out here. Help me somebody, help me!

Is it true that a formerly popular actor has had what appears to be a psychotic break of sorts and is now ‘taking his breakdown on the road’? seriously? So is it true that this actor nutted the frick out on his family, has been fired from his television series, is drugged out, prostituted out and played out and is now peddling his crazy around the country for his ‘fans’ to hear and see? No lip flippin’ way!

His ‘fans’ are sicker than he is! Really? What are humans reduced to when we will pay money to voyeuristically observe someone else breaking to pieces right before our eyes? Is there no soul to help the man? Is there no person close enough to get him a mandatory psychiatric hold? Instead of helping him we are going to watch him degrade himself further? Exactly what kind of getting off is that?

 I don’t understand and really, don’t try to make it make sense to me because I am not going to be able to ‘get’ the explanation.

What I got is that that is some sick stuff!
Ala Michael Jackson? Ala Octomom?
 

Making Sport

HEY Y’ALL! I HAVE AN IDEA!
LET’S GET A GROUP OF PHYSICALLY FIT GUYS TOGETHER AND HAVE THEM TROT BACK AND FORTH TO TRY TO GET A BALL! LET’S HAVE UM BASH AND CRASH INTO EACH OTHER, HURTING EACH OTHER HERE AND THERE (what‘s a little concussion now and then)! LET’S SIT AROUND AND HOLLER WHILE WE WATCH THEM AND GIVE WHAT THEY ARE DOING A WHOLE BUNCH OF EMOTIONAL ATTENTION. LET’S HAVE THE GUYS THAT ARE PLAYING HAVE ‘OWNERS’ AND THEN THEY CAN BE TRADED LIKE MODERN DAY SLAVES - BUT DON’T WORRY - IT WILL BE OKAY CUZ THEY WILL GET LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY - STUPID MONEY, CRAZY MONEY - FOR IT! THEN WHEN THEY START TO AGE AND THEIR BODIES ARE ALL BROKEN DOWN THEY CAN ACHE AND DO PHYSICAL THERAPY AND HAVE DIMINISHED BRAIN FUNCTIONING AND BE ‘RETIRED’ AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 30 SOMETHING! OH, YEA, AND IF THEY HAVEN’T SPENT ALL OF THEIR MONEY THEY CAN DRIVE NICE CARS AND HAVE NICE HOMES AND OH, I DON’T KNOW, MAKE INFOMERCIALS I GUESS! OH, SHIT! YOU MEAN SOMEONE ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT! DANG!

OKAY, OKAY, I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA!
LET’S GET PAIRS OF GUYS, ABOUT THE SAME WEIGHT, AW, JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT LET’S HAVE THEM BE MOSTLY BROWN AND BLACK GUYS, LET’S PUT THEM IN A CAGE , NO, NO, NOT A CAGE, A ‘RING’ AND PUT SOME BIG PUFFY THINGS ON THEIR HANDS AND OH, THIS WILL BE SO FUN, LET’S HAVE THEM BASH THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! WE CAN SIT ON THE SIDELINES AND YELL AND EGG THEM ON! LET’S HAVE THEM BEAT EACH OTHER UNTIL ONE OF THEM DROPS TO THE GROUND ALL BLOODY! JUST LIKE THEY THROUGH THE CHRISTIANS TO THE LIONS, RIGHT? THERE, THAT’LL SHOW UM! LET’S HAVE THEM WEAR SOME SHORTS SO THAT AS MUCH OF THEIR BODIES ARE EXPOSED FOR PUMMELLING AS POSSIBLE! WE’LL CALL THE ONE LEFT STANDING “THE CHAMPION” AND HE CAN WALK AROUND THINKING THAT HE IS WONDERFUL AND BRAG ABOUT HIS EXPLOTS… I KNOW, I KNOW, IT WON’T BE LONG BEFORE HE CAN’T PIECE A SENTENCE TOGETHER BUT HECK, WHAT SPORT! WHAT FUN! OH DANG! THIS ONE HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE TOO? NO WAY! DOGGONE IT!

OKAY, OKAY, LET’S TRY THIS ONE - IT IS MUCH LESS AGGRESSIVE!
LET’S GET A GROUP OF GUYS TOGETHER TO FORM A TEAM. WE CAN SWIP SWAP UM OUT AS WE SEE FIT TO MAKE THE TEAM SUPREME. LET’S GIVE THEM LOTS OF MONEY TO RUN A BALL UP AND DOWN A COURT (GREAT EXERCISE!) AND WE WILL TRADE THEM BACK AND FORTH AND HAVE THEM LIVE WHEREVER WE SEE FIT! THEY’LL LOVE IT! THEY WILL GET GOBS OF MONEY FOR ‘MAKING SPORT’ WITH THEIR BODIES! JUST THINK THEIR FAMILIES WILL MOSTLY BE IMPOVERISHED AND WILL BE OH SO GRATEFUL FOR THE FINANCIAL WINDFALL HOW FUN! PEOPLE WILL PAY CRAZY MONEY TO WATCH THEM DO THIS! WE WILL BUILD ENORMOUS FACILITIES TO DO THIS IN THAT COSTS GOBS OF MONEY. EVERY NOW AND THEN THE PLAYERS CAN GO ‘IN TO THE COMMUNITY’ AND GIVE THE ‘PEEPS’ A BONE HERE AND THERE! THAT WILL BE GREAT P.R. AND PEOPLE WON’T PAY ATTENTION TO THE CRAZY MONEY INVOLVED IN THE GAME! THERE WILL BE CITIZENS OF THE CITIES THAT THEY PLAY IN THAT WILL BE HOMELESS AND HUNGRY! BUT WE WON’T GIVE MUCH TO THEM! THEY’LL ROOT FOR OUR TEAM ANYWAY! SHUCKS THEIR LOYALTY WILL BE PATRIOTIC! WE CAN MAKE HATS, SHIRTS, SHOES AND ALL KINDS OF OVER PRICED CRAP FOR PEOPLE TO BUY - THEY CAN PRETEND THAT THEY ARE ON OUR TEAM! YIPPY! DON’T TELL ME I AM NOT ON TO SOMETHING! SAY WHAT? DONE ALREADY? SHEESH! OKAY.

I AM OUT OF IDEAS ON HOW TO MAKE STUPID AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON MAKING SPORT OF AND WITH HUMANS!

Why Barack? Why America?

Why Barack Obama? Why America?
Okay, so another war (yea, whatev, violently attacking or battling for/with other countries is war to me - it’s my blog) is popping off in the world and guess who is being called upon to save the day? Yup, the good ol’ United States of America.
Who made us the boss of everything and everybody? Why do we have to be the saviors of the world, do tell? Why is it our leader’s responsibility to fix all of God’s creation - be it truly saveable or not? Internally and externally we look to our president like he is Jesus Jr. Natural disaster? Fix it Barack, you are too slow Barack, bad call Barack. Civil unrest in another country? Fix it Barack, save them Barack, you are not fixing it Barack.
Bad guys out there in the big wide world who need to be caught? Go get um Barack. It’s your responsibility Barack, it is your job Barack. The economy is going to hell in a hand basket? Fix it Barack, what’s wrong with you Barack? Why isn’t the world all better Barack? You said that you were going to help us Barack.
How’s about all of the smack talkers to and about Barack Obama decide to be a part of the solution? How about we truly unite as a country - no matter our political affiliation - behind our leader, and trust his decisions America? How about we quit picking him and his lineage apart like a bunch of vultures and/or scavengers America? How about we get off our collective lazy asses and quit with the bellyaching about our leader and help him do what he needs to do?
Is it really necessary to thwart his every effort? Is it helpful to criticize every move that he makes? The man can’t turn his head one way or another without some bashing naysayer complaining about him… should have been left, should have been right, should have hesitated, shouldn’t have hesitated… you know what my America ? Shut up already!
The man is our president so let’s give him the respect and honor he deserves by his very position in this country. WHOEVER is leading I want to see our country better and am willing to be a reasonable and prudent citizen to get the job done. Are you or do you have more bellyaching to do?
Remember, you are an American. You do have freedom of movement…

INCIQUENTALLY

just so ya know...

the word inciquentally is a derivative of the combination of coincidentally and subsequently. one of the most profound public speakers i have ever listened to coined the word. she absolutely meant inciquentally and i mean it with her... 'nough said.